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Feature Article: High expectations at home -- do they have to be painful?

When I was young, “getting an education” was one of the most important values talked about in our household. It was not usually an overbearing lecture or major discussion. It was just something

Posted on Feb. 18th, 2009

Posted by Amy Sanner
gardneredge.com

When I was young, “getting an education” was one of the most important values talked about in our household. It was not usually an overbearing lecture or major discussion. It was just something that was woven into the fabric of every day.

My parents, though both were extremely intelligent, had very little formal education at all. My mother, born in Texas in 1950, spent much of her youth as a migrant farm worker. She actually only went to school up to second grade. Then she worked. She worked in fields, in the sun, doing manual labor that was not respected nor recognized at the time. She grew up feeling inferior, ashamed, and lacking. Her English was weak and she always felt that she had so much to learn. That feeling of “needing to learn” benefitted my siblings and me in ways that words can scarcely express. My father dropped out of school when he was in high school. He felt that he needed to, in order to help take care of his mother. Both worked hard in their chosen professions and made a mark on the people they worked with.
As children, we were encouraged not to forget their backgrounds and to remember that we had the opportunity to gain so much more than they were given. We were asked how our day was at school and about favorite school activities. We were constantly asked what we wanted to be when we grew up and where we wanted to go to college. I grew up believing, even though my parents didn’t go, that going to college is just “what you do”. I thought, “Everyone goes to college.”

My junior year in high school my mom called me into her room and told me that she wanted to talk to me about something. My dad had completed his GED and had started some college classes in the previous couple of years. She told me she wanted to get her GED. She knew that she could probably go in and take the test and pass it. However, she left school in 2nd grade. She wanted to start her formal education where she left off. She started weekly tutoring shortly thereafter. She studied spelling, English, social studies, and math. After several years of focused mental exertion she took and passed the GED. I will never be able to describe her accomplishment as anything other than a terrific example of honest persistence.

I went to college immediately following graduation from high school. I could say that I felt “pressured” by my parents, but I know that I pressured myself. I liked the challenges. I liked learning. I even liked “performing”. I lived in an all-female dormitory and immersed myself in college life. Unfortunately, that did not directly lead to grades that my parents were pleased with. I recall a heated conversation in which my mother told me to call the university to let them know that report cards did not need to be sent to my parents’ address (until I could send them one I could be proud of). I did do that and it wasn’t until graduate school that I did scan a report card and send it to them.

Ironically, at the time, graduating from college was a little bit of a let-down. I remember feeling like I should think it was a great accomplishment, but also feeling like “everybody did it”. Almost like the accomplishment was insignificant or not “special”. Maybe that is because I was in a university environment so the majority of people I knew were pursuing higher education. Or, maybe it was because my parents always talked about it in such a way that a bachelor’s degree seemed like the “minimum” a person should complete. In any case, I felt the need to continue in school, so I did.

Shortly after I finished graduate school, my mother also reached an educational milestone. She became a licensed real estate agent. This had long been a goal of hers and she reached it shortly before turning 50 years old. It was so exciting talking to her as she prepared to take the test. It was even satisfying to see her in the shoes that she had always encouraged us to wear. Student. She was nervous. She had studied and worked to gain the knowledge necessary but had never really been in such a formal “testing” situation. I loved the idea that we had those “feelings” in common, now. Now she was being “tested”, put in the fire, feeling the pressure, needing to perform.

I’m proud of my mother. I’m proud of the educational ascent, values, and ethics that have been woven into the fabric of our family. My parents were terrific examples to their children, their siblings, and others around them. I, of course, hope that I can inspire my children to dream, persist, work towards, and achieve goals in the way that my mother and father have. Although I have to wonder, will it mean as much to my children, knowing that the path of my “ascent” was so painless?

Enedelia Amy Sanner, M.A., BCBA obtained a Bachelor's degree in Human Development (Behavior Analysis) and a Master of Arts degree in Human Development (Applied Behavior Analysis) from the University of Kansas. She obtained board certification in behavior analysis (BCBA) in 2002. She works part-time as a consulting behavior analyst, primarily with children with special needs and their families. Amy resides with her husband and 2 children in Gardner. She has been a Gardner resident for 6 years.